Death

  Hey peeps, it's been a long while now huh? Well, today I feel like talking about something different. Instead of the old usual love and life topic, I kinda wanna talk about death today.

  So,whadya think of when the word death comes into your head? Let me tell you what comes to my mind. I'll think about how much longer I have to live, how I'm going to live my life, would I have a happy life till the day i die or not? There are just too many things that'd be running through my mind for me to list down every single one here. But the most important one is, who would be sad or even notice when i seize to exist. 

  Would anyone even care if I died? Would they even be feeling the tinniest slightest of difference in their lives when I'm gone? Well, this is why I think of these things. Right now, i feel like noone would even notice my death. Or at least, cared if I died. I feel as though even the closest ones with me and the ones I love the most wouldn't feel that much of a difference. I don't think I've ever left any sort of impact on anyone's life before.

  In fact, lately, I've been feeling like there's lack of love from those I'm supposed to feel like I'm getting love from. The difference is just great! I just hope that I'd be able to make the best of it. Even if it means doing everything needed to do to make them happy in the future. No point if they're not happy with you now and just treat you like they're just forced to do so.

  Everyone deserves a good happy life. Remember peeps, don't treat people like how you don't like to be treated. Treat them how you'd like to be treated. I follow this because, karma's a bitch and it'll get back right up to you and bite you in the ass. Just time could tell when.

  That'll be all for now heh. God, give me strength to survive this and not effect the others around me unless they really do love and care for me. Please let me be strong to face this!

Love,

Qarper

=D

  

To You, With Love

We met when we were young,

That's when our friendship, our story sprung.

We grew closer and closer everyday,

You were really fun to talk to, that i would say.

You made the first call, and we talked through the night,

It was then I first told myself to not let you out of my sight.

I started to have a crush on you, though it was just for a short while,

I didn't know that it went way ahead to the future to wait, far from me for miles and miles.

Our journey came to a brief halt at one point,

But it continued on as our roads met again and joined.

From then on we were always side by side on the same path,

No matter who or what, they had be careful of our wrath.

We never did hesitate when it came to our friendship,

Until the day arrived for me to give her more than just a mere tip.

A scar on my hand, a message in her inbox and a text chill,

That is what it took for me to let it all out and just spill.

From the signs I got, I never expected to have to bare with pain,

But alas, at the end of the day I found out that my efforts were in vain.

For long I went on not receiving your love,

But at least we were happy, and I could still hear you laugh.

Until there came a day where it was all too much,

For me to carry on my shoulders and be baffled such.

I never regretted not letting you know about the burden I had,

For besides not knowing how to approach, I couldn't bare to see you sad.

Then I decided, that you didn't really need me,

So I left without notice so that you wouldn't see.

It took all my strength at courage to leave,

For more pain and torture was all I received.

Everything you did, be it good or bad,

You may not know this but I knew everything, this is a fact.

A lot of things you thought you could keep away from my knowledge,

But I still knew it all, and it tortured and surrounded me like i was in a cage.

Even if we were to meet up just for awhile,

The fire would again start burning, and i've to leave again for miles and miles.

Until one day, when you reached me, during you were the one i truly missed,

I just had to see you, even just for a moment, I just couldn't resist.

Who would've known that that would be the last,

And I would never again run because it's all in the past.

I still required you about the things that you've done,

Of course you wouldn't admit, and you thought you could run.

I decided to just keep it in, until the time is right,

I've done it before, I'll do it again, till the last bit of my might.

After four years of waiting, the pain is gone and uplifted from my chest,

Finally we're together, and now you've become my one and only princess.

I really do love you with all my heart,

No matter what happens, only death could take it apart.

You're the only one that makes my heart melt and soft,

This I dedicate to you sincerely from me with much love.

Love,

Qarper

<3

Wondering the Wonders of Pondering

  Hey peeps,been a while huh? Well,this time I'm back with a few questions for you to ponder on. Firstly, let's talk about love. I believe I've asked this question in one of my entry before, 'What is love to you'?

  What does it take for you to fall in love for someone? Is it their smile? Their tone of voice? How they touch you? Their attitude? How they treat you? What? Will there actually be a day where the answer for this question can be found? I wonder... How would you know that you've already found 'the one'? What if he/she is 'the one' for you but it's not actually a mutual feeling? Can we still call that particular someone 'our one' or is it just us being in our own world believing only what we want to just so our hearts won't get torn apart? I mean,there is a saying that goes like this,"It takes two to tango", right? So, what exactly is love? Ponder on this for as long as you can and if you can find an answer for it, I'll respect you till death and you'd definitely be very rich for helping others in this one particular common yet foreign to the mind subject.

  Next, what about faith? There are more than one meaning for this word. First, we'll talk about the meaning of faith that talks about your beliefs in something or someone. Do you really need it in your life? Well, from my point of view, we kinda need it. Otherwise, we won't even have faith in ourselves to do anything. You nee to have faith in order for oneself or another person to have at least the slightest bit of foundation of motivation. Even just by knowing that other people have faith in you helps motivate us do something or get something done. 

  Now,what about when people say, or rather ask, "Would you be faithful to me till the end?" You see, that's a different story. It may have a LITTLE similarities but it's not exactly the same. Being faithful to one's partner is a crucial thing in order to keep peace in the relationship. I mean, what's the point of being in one if you're still gonna go find other guys/girls to have fun with? And by having fun, I mean it in every way there is be it some or all the definition towards it. So, what is being faithful then if this still happens to a lot of lovely couples out there? Maybe, the definition and meaning of faithful is as easy as '1,2,3'. The only thing making it complex is the people who doesn't appreciate their partners and misuse the word faithful by turning it into UNfaithful, don't you think? 

  Then, there's trust. What is that? Why is it so easy to break,crush and destroy trust? Yet, building or rebuilding demolished trust takes time? It's like, a structure of a building. It may have a strong foundation but once hit by the giant ball, it'll get destroyed. And to rebuild it, it would take time. Even years maybe. Why must human feelings be complex? (-_-')

  So,how bout it? Would you even dare to ponder on these things after this? Or would you rather just leave it be until the time comes for you to think about it? I leave it to you, whatever you think that suits you. There already are enough problems in your heads so don't let these set of questions intoxicate your minds further. 

  Have fun peeps, may you enjoy using your minds for whatever it is you guys do... 

=)

Yours truly,

Qarper

=D

  

Slowly

Something's been eating me up on the inside,

I dunno what it is but it's something I'm afraid I can no longer hide.

Started from the deepest depths of my heart,

Now it's eating through my whole body,and the impact is hard.

What if it hurts so much that i can no longer lie?

Does that mean that the time has come for 'me to die'?

What if the time comes when this body can no longer survive?

Would i be strong enough to at least have my soul to continue on with life?

What is this foreign sound that keeps playing in my ears?

It sounds so sad that it could break me down to tears.

Where has the happy,cheerful music from my life gone to?

Is there anything,anything at all left for me to do?

Here I'll say I'll keep on trying,

Eventhough I can feel myself tearing apart and dying.

I'll try my best not to give up and do what I have to do,

So that when my time is up,I would've at least left a small impact on you.

Can't say i won't regret with my choice of actions,

But I've to fight,no matter how much it burns.

I'll try my very best to make sure that you would see,

No matter what's in store for me,no matter what's my destiny.

So wish me luck in my conquest,

And hope that in a state of peace is where I'll finally rest.

Again I'll say that no matter how hard is the test,

I promise you that I'll give my all,I'll try my best.

I'll make sure that I'll be the one in triumph,I say this solemnly,

Even if it means I'll get it done,slowly...

Much love and hope,

Qarper

=)

what is..?

love,what is love?

is it just an ordinary feeling or is it more than that?

no soul would get the exact answer on this,

not even the brightest scientist,that i can bet.

hurt,what is hurt?

does it actually make you feel sad or angry,who could tell?

some would choose either,some would choose both,

love could be as beautiful as heaven,and it could also hurt like hell.

heart,what is heart?

is the function of the heart merely to keep the human body alive?

then how would it hurt if words and actions can’t even reach it?

or maybe it’s the source of life,and when broken,it’ll go down into tiny bits...

making love,what and how is it really?

is really the intercourse that happens between two lovers?

if so,why is it also used in infidelity?

if it’s so passionate,why could it also be the cause of flowing tears?

life,what is life?

for this question,i have no comment...

i’ve no answer,know not how to strive,

but this i know,it’s often associated with torment.

hate,what is hate?

is it something we just say or do we really mean it?

for me,it’s not always true of it,i have now found my soulmate,

and it may be the beginning of the bridge where at the end two hearts would meet.

much love,

qarper

=)

Crawling In My Skin

  This feeling I've been feeling,this thing inside me. It's getting worse day by day. I've no idea what to do to make things better or get rid of this feeling. I'd sleep late because of it. I'd not get enough sleep because of it. A lot is being effected because of it.

  What is it? What is this thing crawling in my skin? Is it disposable? Is it possible to get rid of it? If so,how? What am I to do? Tell me,please. I'm sick of feeling like this. It used to be once in a blue moon. But now,it's getting more frequent. Day in day out.

  It's as if a shadow has been casted over me under a dark cloud that follows me everywhere I go. Stop bothering me,stop screwing around with my life! Help!

Need help,

Qarper

Unsure

  There's this feeling that I've been feeling inside,but very unsure of what it really is. It started off as something from deep within. As days passes by,it kept on reaching to get to the surface. It's like peering through the deepest depths of the sea. Even when something is coming up to the surface,you wouldn't know on whether it's something safe or dangerous for you. Until it's too late.

  What is it? Is it loneliness? Could it be emptiness? Sadness maybe? Or is it just something that I should just brush off? I don't know. I wish I do so that I don't have to face this day in,day out! It's killing me from within,very slowly. Can't quite talk it out cause I don't know who exactly to talk to about this feeling and even if I do,I don't know how to explain this foreign feeling. 

  I've felt this way a couple of times before but I can't really relate it to the previous ones. What is this? Get it outta me! Just hope that by writing something I'd feel at least a little better. Hope this works. Otherwise I'd surely crack by midnight. Just like a werewolf,just waiting for it's turn to take over the body,soul and mind of the 'master'.

Unsure Soul,

Qarper

Love..?

  What is it really? Is it really just a feeling? Or is it something much more complex than what people think they know? Majority say that falling in love is a wonderful feeling. Some say that love sucks and love is for suckers. There are even people who call themselves Love Doctors. If they were to be asked a question such as,"what is love?" or "how do you know when you're in love?",would they actually be able to give a straight answer?

  Noone could ever define what love is. Actually,come to think of it,we can't really say that love is undefined. Everyone has their own definition,belief and theory about what love is. Is it really JUST a feeling? If so,than the phrase we humans use that is "I'll love you forever,until the day i die" would just be a false,empty phrase they give to their partners. 

  Just like when you FEEL hungry,you eat something,then you won't FEEL it anymore. So that means,something is bound to happen for you to easily not love anymore if it's JUST a FEELING. Love would NOT be the reason on why you get married and stay with one person for the rest of your lives.

  No,from what I've seen and heard from people,love is much more complex than just a FEELING. I myself am not sure of what love really is or how to define it. Maybe,love is something noone could ever truly understand. But it's just there. Complicated much huh? Yeah,i guess that's just something you have to go through in life. One of the wonders you experience on the road you call life.

  By the end of the day,it's you who makes the decision. It's you who'll be the one deciding on whether or not to take a ride on the love boat,proceed to the ups and downs of the roller coaster,enjoy and take everything you learn as experience and give it a try. That's why the definition is different and depends on each and every single individual. 

  You should not say love sucks or love is the best. You should not try and discourage your friends to love because doesn't mean you went through a rough time,they would end up like that as well. No love story is the same,be it tragic or breath takingly beautiful.

Just remember this quote that I'd learned from a very close person in my life. "Love,can be as beautiful as Heaven. But it could also hurt like Hell."

  So go on,take a leap of faith and give it a go. If it ends in a shipwreck,than it wasn't meant to be. Find another one to experience the ride with. You wouldn't know if you don't try right? Then you'll have your own definition and experience to answer when give such questions. Hope you'll have a great ride on you adventure and hope that you won't screw it up.

Sincerely,

Qarper 

=)

No Use Anymore

A night in the park,

A ride in the car,

A drive in the neighborhood,

That was the start of the sparks.

Met through a friend,

Chilled with the gang,

Talked,laughed and cuddled,

Like there was no end.

Cried,laugh,loved and danced,

All this was shared by you and me.

Special and unforgettable memories,

When others look,they were drowned by what the call envy.

We had ups and downs,smooth and hard times,

Had the ride going for a couple of years.

Then came a time where you shattered my soul,

And all you gave me was not smiles,but tears.

Broken,crumbled,what a disastrous experience,

Still I tried to forgive and forget.

Sorry was heard a trillion times,

Promises were made but none were kept.

Alas,I've grown somewhat immune,

My heart became hard,no more soft for your tune.

As much as you are sorry for being the reason my heart is sore,

Everything we had,the words you say,the things you've done and this soul that you tore,

Is now of no use anymore.

Title

  This post is just to talk about the title of my blog. I had no idea what to put as the title so I just put it up because it was the title of a song I had wrote in the past. The reason and history of the title is during that time,a lot of my friends,people around me were breaking up,getting divorced and all. Hence the title,The Season Of The Broken.

  It was sad because people with beautiful souls in beautiful relationships was crushed just like that. Some were even together for more than 2 years. Some was because there was a 3rd person involved. Some was misunderstanding,if only they would just sit down,talk and work things out. Argue all they want because eventually it would be settled and things could've just went on smoothly. By arguing of course,you have to know to what extend.

  So,until I get an idea of what to put as the title for my blog I'll be sticking to this one for the time being.

Smile always(somehow ironic and cliche huh?)

Qarper

=)

Fivetastic!

  I'm pretty sure a lot of you have experience in relationships,be it a short one or a long serious one. Let me ask you,how do you feel when you look at you respectful partner's face? Do you feel excited? Do you feel happy? Do you feel loved? Let me tell you how I felt today.

  I met up with her earlier in the day for a very short while,but knowing that I'll see her again later on made me satisfied enough eventhough it was only for a mere hour or so. What was only for 2 hours seemed like an eternity. That was how long I had to wait to see the angel that was sent to me from up above.

  She called me minutes before i reached the destination and had asked me to buy some things for her. I couldn't stop smiling after we ended the call because an angel just called me and she spoke in the most sweetest voice and tone I've heard in a very long time. She literally made my heart melt. My angel,if you're reading this,I'm very sure that you'd at least have a smile on your face. Even if you're trying to not show it too much,and possibly even blushing a bit. x)

  Right after I'd have my car parked,i saw her in front of me,and believe it or not,my heart literally skipped a beat. Wow! She may be wearing the usual attire that she always does when we go out but she somehow had a very bright glow,an aura or some sort. Like a light of hope and full of love and many other indescribable feelings.

  I was so proud and lucky to be seen with this beautiful angel. Once we went up to 'our shop',we sat down and just minded our own business. I was reading a book that was suggested by her sister while they played with a kid of one of the workers there. 

  It was when they were taking pictures with each other(my girl,her sister and the little girl) that I saw it. The love she had for the child,the motherly look in her eyes. The motherly eyes that would hopefully be the same pair of beautifully stunning eyes looking down on my kids. She's definitely the one. The way she handled the 2 year old,the smile in her eyes. I was dumbfounded! I couldn't help but smile,because my heart was smiling as well. 

  Today,we have been been through five fantastic months of ups and downs. Maybe one day I'll tell you the tale of how this Beauty an the Beast story had started. Otherwise,this post would be very,VERY long. And it already is haha! =p

  Maybe I'll end here for now. Seeing her face,be it just smiling or when she gets food(i love you! xD),just melts my heart. 

And here's a little something for my Angel,hope you like it :

First we were friends,

Then we grew closer.

I was then bonded,

To the relationship that we've built together.

Be it smiles,frowns or tears,

I know I'll stick by you through the years.

Indeed it was a long and lonely wait,

It was worth it,especially after hearing some things that you said.

I may not be the best romantic you'll find,

But I promise you I'll be the best lover for as long as you're mine.

You used a bait to lure me in,

I've taken it and I've definitely fell in too deep.

Don't you worry,I have no intention of leaving,

I promise you,my heart is only yours to keep.

Through thick and thin,

Through happiness and sadness,

I hope we'd both stay loyal,happy and in love regardless.

Now I'll end with something,

Something from the deepest depths of my heart.

Our love is like a canvas,for our love to be the only thing painting,

So let us go on and finish this never ending beautiful piece of art.

I love you so much,with all my heart,

I can never see the both of us being apart.

What we have is never changeable,

I'll love you always,my baby,my princess...

My angel

=D

The Opening

  Okay,this would be the first time ever for me to write a blog or yet alone,a diary. I don't even know where to start or what to say. So please bear with me here till i could actually get the hang of things with writing one. 

  Maybe I'll start with a little introduction of myself. I'm a guy,I still live with my parents(yes,sounds sad but hey,I'm still studying and still enjoying life),I've got tons of good friends and most importantly,I've got the best girl any guy could ever ask for in my life. And she's mine. =)

  I've been waiting for her for a very long time and I've finally gotten her heart. Where as before,it was a one way thing. She's cute,funny and clumsy. Maybe a little temper here and there,loves to talk and loves food,which is the part I'm most happy about! All these traits are what makes me love her each and every day of my life and i really hope that it'd last.

  Of course,we might have our differences and what not and argue now and then,but hey. Which couple,be it a married,engaged or a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship couple,doesn't have arguments. That's just the pros and cons of having a relationship and we're both trying our best to work things out. 

  Lately,I've no idea why I've been missing her more and more,and my feelings for her just keep on blooming and growing. I'm not saying that this is a bad thing but,why all of a sudden is what I'd like to know. Is this what they call,'love'?

  Maybe that's something I'm gonna have to learn more on and I'll get some examples from the people I talk to.

Smile always,

Qarper

=D